Ode to BJ

The dimple nose

The cheeks so soft

The nippled shirts

And sexy coif.

Mini me

Real me

Other me

Oh Neil.

Oh Neil.

Drama Boy

Quiet drama
Hidden away
From cool eyes.

A flare, without
The cynics grin.
Away with you.

But for spirit
On drunken evenings,
With friends who wish
They were you.

Poem 1 Day 3 Paris

What fun living
Nights a rich man.

Whisky, wine
And cheese.

We all rise
Rats in the morning.

But what fun
Tonight.

Romance Paris Day 3

With all the
Moments he spent
Considering love,

What could he
Have built?

Poem 3 Day 3 Paris

What glee,
Alone.

But nothing built
For it.

Poem 4 Day 3 Paris

Books smell the same
In all countries.

Poem 5 Day three pareeee

Sandalwood,
Another language.
American jazz.

Businessmen's bar,
Peatmonster,
Whore on the end.

How many wednesdays
Has she weaned from
Foreigners?

Empty as always,
Band playing.

Paris Poem 6 Day 3

She and three
With beer and laughter,
What of looks
Flung at me?

Paris Jazz Club Try #2

One drink
French dude sounds like drunk french dude

Two drinks
French dude sounds like drunk sinatra

Three drinks
French dude sounds like spanish dude

Four drinks
French dude sounds like Clapton

Five drinks
French dude sounds like John Lee Hooker.

Ahhhhhh. :) 5 Drinks.

Glee!

Paris Poem 9 Day 3

The edge of drunk
with permasmile
A thought for...

Lost it.

Well, shit.

Machine wise

Life is a process
Of calibration.

I sway left and say
No, no, a tad right.

I stumble right and say
No, no, a smidge left.

I amble,
A bit faster.

I race,
A bit slower.

Yet with laughter,
Always a bit louder.

Memory

Everybody loves.
We start with promises
To ourselves
"Unattached!"

A little smile
A little booze
A little bright
A little cooze

But then she talks
And walks sultry
She read that book
She cooks.

A smart grin
A little wine
Honey & dear
A new time.

Everybody loves
With beer or wine
And remember.

Lost Boys

Us boys of bumbling
Of difference and awkward
Us boys with mothers
Who thought backward

Us who speak wrong
Stumble and chatter
Who strike out and long
For a day of normal.

Anew. Arise.

Call the play.

A squeeze,
Held too long.
Short words,
Unsaid.

A smile,
A linger,
Flattery paid.

And when
Masks shed,
Will nectar
Drip sweet?

Birds 'n shit. You know.

New love, flute and fife,
Have you got the new life?
Polite, pretty, pink, and rose,
When she gonna slow?

When you stop smiling silly
Or will it be before that another
Makes her sore.

When will filthy fun
Become boorish and brass?
When will her sass
Be nails on board and tinny?

And her ass cute and fleshy
Sag, and her trash talk be trashy?
Your chin a bit narrow
Become gawky and shallow?

New love, flute and fife,

Have you got the new life?

Polite, pretty, pink, and rose,

When she gonna slow?

When will moments lose their glow?

Fall in line with the rest of time

And scare like minnows in school,

Like fallen trees in the underbrush?

Dodge that line many a time,

But it comes like friends that whine.

And mornings become droll,

And slowly she shortens and widens;

What was once a maiden

Now a troll.

New love, flute and fife,

Have you got the new life?

Polite, pretty, pink, and rose,

When she gonna slow?

When she gonna slow?

Could be?

Not envy,
Nor a goddess.
Not excitement,
Nor fancy flavors.

Just a friend.
Just honesty.
Just a kind face.
Just a couple laughs.

Only one.
One time with
One pair of eyes.

Dark night

I wake myself,
Whimpering at night
For your warm body.

Heavy eyelids,
Tender soul,

Self-doubt
Calling.

I try to Song.

I came down over
The small hill
And saw your covered eyes.

With charlatan
And caramel.
Some turmeric
And graveyard bells.

The fall expected
And the spring.
But not in that order.
Your rules not respected,

You spoke twice.
It didn't take that long
To know I'd dug my
Heels in.

The glimmer of hope
The fog and the sunrise.
I walked in and I saw
Your eyes. Your eyes.

With charlatan

And caramel.

Some turmeric

And graveyard bells.

Morning comes twice.

Morning comes twice.

With charlatan

And caramel.

Some turmeric

And graveyard bells.

Tin cups with stale water

Visions I forgot after

I knew the lies.

New

What chance
For ticks and tocks
For the rat a tat tat
The clicks and clacks
Of confidence?

Last Call

New truth,

Old lie.

What is the angle

Of your smile?

Pure friend,

Raw and dry.

Which morning

Will be kind?

Rocks and glass once

And then silk and down.

Why do you hide...

Knives in the blanket?

Last time!

Last time!

And again

The curtains down.

To Give

To give in this world

Of take.

Joyous.

Lonely.

New Digs

New digs

With views

And bright lights.

Dirt and

New fights.

To spend time

Away, alone, without.

What will they think

A thought? A judgement?

Or worse...nothing.

Of me, of mine.

Old feedback

From years ago

From childhood

From newness.

Now oldness.

I breathe and walk

And repeat, new digs,

But still, one day,

One minute,

One second,

Lived now.

Belief

A man of faith I'm not,

Lacking Him or another.

Wheels of trust ungreased

The sound of nails on board.

How when I am humble

Can I pedestal another

To be better, finer, cleaner?

My sheen will wither, and then,

What keeps the bond?

Words

The word,

When trailed by joy,

Wins.

When trailed by sweet sorrow,

Shines.

When trailed by longing,

Holds.

When trailed by fear,

Suffers.

When trailed by distrust,

Dies.

Punished

To kill the child
That sits quietly
Most nights
And only wakes
When there is
No moon.

With knives cannot
His mother weeps
And stabs and stabs
To find again
In other haunts
On other moonless
Nights.

Until she stalks
By sorrow's cliff
The pallid ghoul
That keeps her 'wake.
And ends him
Through and through.
Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T

For You.

Chair dancer.
Roach killer.
Rat mimic.
Kvetcher.

Keeper of Florida
Of Rhode Island
Of Indonesia.

Terrible singer,
With a 6 year old's smile.

For you, kindred spirit.
Second soul.
Owner of my footprints.

I am better.

Amused Of Life

He stumbles into a smirk
That cleans his mind of
The dirt that collects with days
Of shifting with the wind.

That spreads like moss
And coats each morning
Each up and down
Each side to side.

And then...a smile.

Reminder

I spin on His axis,
Who wrought this ball.

The Spin

Love
Futures
Promises
Attachment
Possessiveness
Worrying
Clinging

And then?

Oh To

Oh to control
The smiles that
I give,
That she does.

...To cool the hots,
And warm the colds,
Only after
They lose novelty.

...To champion
Each moment,
To keep youth,
To let time fly,
And stand it still.

...To be engrossed
And lost in subject,
And aware,
And found in blue skies.

And know each moment
Without fear or second mind.

Oh to try.

Today

Buck up young man
Drink your beer
Not every sentence
Must have fears shadow.

Today is today
And tomorrow another day
The beat of the drum
Lands square only
When your mind is there.

Well Known Man

He sits in the train
And places his bag,
Not purposefully,
So I cannot place mine.

Burn

Dancing deasil
Round the hearth,
Carbon fallen
Left with dust.

Expectations passed
By time,
Little worries
Borne by vines

Through and through
Us mixed with earth
Dancing deasil
Round the hearth.

Love

Love,
For continuity

Ones and zeros
Of evolution.

Taken like wine
Knowingly, gleefully

We slide.

Is there love,
In the attempt
To consume another?

What small hope
To find ones self
And escape

The platitudes
Of desire.

Words

He hopes, each day,
For years, he has
A new way,

To-speak-to-her,

Lest...

She bore of words,
Ritualized beyond
Their own definitions.

I learn

Not all women
With that voice
Are pretty.

Swoon

He learns
That the swoon
Is temporary
But the words
Last.

Big Boss

Being right has very little to do with believing you are.

Crutch

Love and idleness
Bring a man to his knees.

And without the two
He is merely a boy.

Lexicon

Just "unfriend" her

The Talk

They speak,
In tongues.

Having known
Only a few words
Of each others'
Before the
Leap

They live,
In boxes.

Having misinterpreted
The rest.

Life

Life is like picking your nose
If you dig to deep you'll start bleeding.

View above

Even with long eyes,
From far away heaven
Doesn't quite have quite
The same cache as smirks
And coin.

Edges

My grandmother's sifting
The thwap of rice on steel
The husk blown away
And a pinched finger picking stones
An argument for legacy.

Habits

Dark night.
No crickets.
Lamp light.

I'll take the left.

Two nights...
A habit?

B

As vulnerable
As fierce
Lion named mouse

He slips.

Jitters

I promised myself
That I was no longer
The boy that feared

Being betrayed.

I still do.

Barbershop

A not altogether ugly lady with parkinsons cuts my hair.

The conversation flows between Russian and English. Andrey, another client(Bill Rutledge), Svetlana (parkinsons lady), and Yuriy converse. ("--" is russian I do not understand)

Andrey: -----clam cowder, da, clam chowder----

Svetlana: dan clam chowder,da -------

Yuriy: Clam chowder? Clam chowder?

Andrey: Claaaam Chowwwwder, da.

Bill: So I've been reading about bear sterns and how the derivative market was completely misunderstood.

Andrey to Bill: The houses, they borrow, yes they sign loan but no money. No boat. They sign but no money. They loan.

Bill: yes the mortgage backed securities...

Andrey: The hotels, $1,000 per night in India, in Moscow, they loan and many of the owner they own building...

Bill: Yes as I was saying I've...

Svetlana: Clam Chowder, Claaam (hand movement) Chowwwwderr

Yuriy: da, clam chowder -------

Bill: been reading this book about bear sterns its ridiculous how they managed these mortgages

Andrey: building yes buildings they have to pay loan so increase rent and russians make loan like this too hotels $1,000 per night and pay off mortgage.

Yuriy: Clam Chowder???

Svetlana: Claaaam Chowder---------

Barbershop

A not altogether ugly lady with parkinsons cuts my hair.

The conversation flows between Russian and English. Andrey, another client(Bill Rutledge), Svetlana (parkinsons lady), and Yuriy converse. ("--" is russian I do not understand)

Andrey: -----clam cowder, da, clam chowder----

Svetlana: dan clam chowder,da -------

Yuriy: Clam chowder? Clam chowder?

Andrey: Claaaam Chowwwwder, da.

Bill: So I've been reading about bear sterns and how the derivative market was completely misunderstood.

Andrey to Bill: The houses, they borrow, yes they sign loan but no money. No boat. They sign but no money. They loan.

Bill: yes the mortgage backed securities...

Andrey: The hotels, $1,000 per night in India, in Moscow, they loan and many of the owner they own building...

Bill: Yes as I was saying I've...

Svetlana: Clam Chowder, Claaam (hand movement) Chowwwwderr

Yuriy: da, clam chowder -------

Bill: been reading this book about bear sterns its ridiculous how they managed these mortgages

Andrey: building yes buildings they have to pay loan so increase rent and russians make loan like this too hotels $1,000 per night and pay off mortgage.

Yuriy: Clam Chowder???

Svetlana: Claaaam Chowder---------

Liquid Jive

He sprays
He sprays

Papa bear
Has a Windex tip

He sprays
He sprays

at best

26,260

Tasting

It would have been kind
Of Him to discuss with us
His choices.

Perhaps He could offer
Options for those who prefer
Life as a tasting menu.

Some of us would like
Road signs in each nation
In a language we all understand

Some would prefer
Arrangements different from
The day that we get this life.

I'm just saying, maybe,
He could have avoided the
Whole Jobe thing.

Helped those black kids
Out in Katrina if not
Their parents.

They say God works in
Mysterious ways. Perhaps,
It would be better if he didn't.

Perhaps he needs a life coach
Or a management consultant.
Or just a quick chat with Mother Teresa.

I have a bone to pick with
Her as well. She's joined him now
In Heaven.

Do me a favor dear Mother.
Let him know that we'd like
Things to be a bit different.

The Large

One sees some
And wonders
How is coitus possible?

Betray Me

Betray me mind
With snippets
From old
Papers

With visions
Of appendages
Dangling - veins
And parchment
Skin.

Call to me
At night in
Pictures
I refuse to
Purge.

Cancer me
With scents
With the feel
Of the edges
Of body;
Mine once,

That cries
On the other
End.

I failed you,
Not a man,
To hold you.

End Games

Pliable
My mind
Festers
As souls
Enraged.

She calls
In questions
What are
You here for?

Moments are
For youth
Futures for age
And remembrance
For the
Advanced.

I shudder
To keep from
Shivering.

Mother,
What of
My demise?
All for naught?

N

New word

Piebald - me

The Dig

He dug holes in the backyard. Leaving old friends and memories in them.

A dog he had for a year that died being over fed.

And a brick from the home he lived in with her.

He dropped a couple suits from another life and his grandfather's watch in another.

2

We stumbled in

With smiles,

Uncertain.

And now.

And now.

at best

26,269

B

To smile for me,
Flattery.

A fools grin in
Return.

Thank you.

Arms

Perhaps her
Five faced
Fifty armed
God is better

Because even she
Deep down
Finds him
Awkward,
Mythical.

And never
Steps out of rationale
To embrace
Him.

at best

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Sample

Sample the world
Nibble don't chew
A thousand tongues
A flavor for all
We have but a
Few thousand nights
To rejoice.

Lady

Lady in train wearing leather coat over leather jacket.

Cow inside cow inside cow.

N

What

What war?
When we
Have minds to fight.

What weapon?
In the face of
Fear.

What army?
To expend
Our energies
Against.

Small bud
Of thought,
Kills
Each day.

Revives
Again
Life relived
Between blinks.

Again

Step to step
Repeat Repeat
Flutters
Smiles
Kisses
Again

Planning
Circumventing
Coalescing
Fear

Step to step
Repeat Repeat
Flutters
Smiles
Kisses

Small grins
Long arms
Flights, trains,
And Cars

The lockstep
The beliefs
Of perfection

"This feels right,"
They say.

Step to step
Repeat Repeat
Flutters, Smiles, and Kisses.

at best

26,274

At best

26,278

Short

From death,
Life.
With arms,
With eyes.

Context

To extract
From the fray
Conceals
But cannot
Absolve

At best

26,279

Sprint.

A girl's smile filled with meaning,
Burns armories and sinks ships.

at best

26,280

Life

If. You can bear the hours,
The moments.
Honey.

Anticipation

He knew then
That his small
Heart couldn't
Take such weight.

To rest the
Future of all
Futures on
One choice.

Create notes

"Everything that happens to me is the best possible thing that can happen to me."

Shakespeare

There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.

Fill

To fill life up
To overflow
To double book
And leave no
Breath unused
Unkempt
Untouched
With movement
Perhaps

Rock

Shuttled back
And forth
From shore
To coral
Scratching hull
A leak
And moan
A steel clank
Mustering
Hope
Smiles
A fool's
Errand
Lifelong, longing
Unfound.

Existence of Death 2

Did he live

For whom we cry

With yelps

And sighs?

Death seems

A formality

Presupposed

By his life.

On The Existence of Death

So death.

So ashes.

And dirt.

With water,

Salted.

So life?

What shams.

With dredge.

With routine.

So death?

What life

To prove it?

Happiness

Happiness has little to
Do with butterflies.

It must be sought out,
And mimed as one does
In childhood when learning
His or her first words.

It must be broken into pieces
Of company, of calm, of experience.

No, happiness is not to be ignored.
It must be wrought from iron.
It must be learned and forged.

Happiness is a whore.
Bought and paid for with
Mathematical pursuit.

Plane 3

Even the clouds
Have fathers that
Glide above them
And sons that
Float below.

From above
No man can find the son
And from below
Blind white.

Between
The sod
Who sees both
And aspires to
Neither.

Plane 2

Clouds from afar.
Screens from within.
Blue succumbs,
Gently, knowingly,
Destined.

Plane

Such skies
Above the storm,
Blue without lines,
Out of focus.
Below,
Rippling as waves,
Clouds of white snow.
Memories beget
Prophecies beget
Memories.
Alone.

Then

Its miraculous how
Our memory fades
To leave scars that
Whisper at 3am
For years and
One day exile themselves
Speaking then only when
Spoken to.

Song

To wrap my arms and legs 'round life
Make mornings noons and nights my wife
For one day lived in moments lost
Makes parody of her the cost

Empty

Is it worse
To cut with
A razors blade
Or align all things
To a foot ruler?

What is measured
Is no longer itself
But another.

Larger perhaps
But removed from
Itself by statistic
And callous number.

What was once whole
Is now empty but
For its relation
To the other.

Razors end lives
Rulers erase them.

Miracles

Desperate
With loss
And battles
And mind
A moment
A day
Like another's.
And hope
Anew.

Landing

The lights
Turned off and on
By branches.

And then.

So small
In the window
He blinks one
To many times.
And wakes
On a final
Winter's day.

The confines of my cell -
Entrapment,
Protecting me from the unknown.

Analogy

Splenda : Sugar
As
Push-up bra : Breasts

People

There are moments
When people turn away
And stare into the dark
And for a moment
Seem as they are.
Real, different, true.

A Part

The issue of commitment
Is more about escape
Than love.

Option

It seems there are only two options.
Should we be racehorses or
Show dogs?

Bush

When you watch bush
It seems he is a boy
Pretending to be president.

What If

What if all will be well?

Januaries'

Januaries' hope?
Or threshold step
Before the cliff?

Januaries dire
And resolute
And new but old.

Januaries: disappointment
For the disappointed.
Hope
For the hopeful.

Januaries' Decembers.
Decembers' Januaries.

What victims we are
To meaning.

He starts

I will not climb a cliff
Nor jump from a plane
Or fight.

But would I?
For the breath
That reminds me
To remember.

Above

She woke in fits
At late hours
To write words
That he read months
Later.

A smile with angles
At the edges
That spoke of mercy
And faith
And love.

Above.

Salvation

Do we write for relief
Or to slice open old scars?

Is it to celebrate love
Or to imbibe loss?

Do we vent to eulogize the living demons,
With hope that they will bury themselves?

The soul shrinks and
Claws at the side of a cliff
With the hope for one thing:

Salvation.